It has been over 10 days since that night and I am overwhelmed and uneasy. Apoorva hasn’t asked me a single question and it is making me restless. I need an outlet for the growing pain in my chest; the cupboard will break open anytime now. I am not sure if Apoorva is deliberately avoiding asking any questions or if something is off with her. She does look little preoccupied these days. We haven’t spent much time together ever since that night. She went to her parent’s home last weekend and that is kind of a sore topic but It never stretches over to the whole week. I wonder if she is all right. Just finished work, heading back home, I decide on talking to her today. I text her as I enter the lift to basement parking.
Me: “Any plans tonight?”
She: “Running late to meet a guy I do not wish to meet!”
Me: “Need a rescue?”
She: “Naah, I will have to face him eventually. Just want to get over with it”
Me: “Understood!”
Me: “Let’s go cycling tomorrow morning and then maybe that fancy place we wanted to explore. It is Saturday, they’ll have brunch menu tomorrow”
No response, she must be driving and won’t be able to get back to me anytime soon. She is one of those people who are very big on etiquette and won’t look at her phone unless it is necessary when around people. She is punctual too which means she will be horrified if she makes the guy wait for much longer, even if she has no interest in him whatsoever.
I get into a departmental store on my way back home. Cooking is one of my outlets. I know the food will make me relax a little. I buy wheat-based penne pasta and a box of cream cheese as I wander through the aisles. I think about it and decide to make pesto tonight. It has been a long since I have had that one. Alfredo is my favorite; Arrabbiata is Apoorva’s favorite and sometimes we do end up making pink pasta as well but tonight it is just I. Pesto will be easy to make and I know Apoorva does not enjoy the flavor of basil anyway. I go on to buy some fruits and vegetables and try to remember if we need anything else. I inspect and decide to go towards the counter. We will anyway come back together in a few days at the start of next month for our monthly items.
As I wait in the queue to check out, my eyes fall on my favorite crème caramel ice cream tub. I remember the last time I had it, about 3 and half years back with him; he then told me it tasted like clay and that had really touched a nerve. Now, I smile at the memory and take that one to go. I am not following any rules anyway. Might as well enjoy something for once. I have resumed my gym this past week but I don’t follow through with all my sets, as I should have. I have lately indulged in a lot of sweet treats too. It feels like I am falling back into my old self when I first met him all those years ago. I used to run on sugar those days. I have always had a big chocolate bar in my purse at any time and I would happily eat that for my lunch or dinner. I have changed a lot in my lifestyle in the past 3 years. I have lost close to 15 kgs of my weight. I feel better and I make a conscious effort in deciding my meals well in advance so that I don’t end up eating some rubbish. I go through checkups yearly to make sure I am all right and am not going through any deficiencies. I have been good. I have let go of jobs that paid better but took too much of me in order to say healthy, mentally and physically. I have disciplined myself. I drink enough water throughout the day; I listen to audiobooks to and from my office. I cook; well, we cook decent enough food. We make our evening meals as per how our day went or if we have that kind of strength left to cook. We try to avoid junk as much as we can. Not more than once a week, we end up ordering a pizza or a noodle box. For weekday lunches, we have a cook who makes us pretty decent Indian dishes that we take away in our tiffin. No matter what we do, we don’t eat only salads and make sure not to eat cold food. When we first met, Apoorva and I, we weren’t like this at all. We were lazy, unenergetic all the time, and used to live on junk or leftovers. Barely went for a walk after dinner but then again, we were also young, stupid, and careless. We have seen each other grow into different people and that is kind of uncommon in the world we live in where nobody knows about you when that 24-hour story disappears. Even though I would not call Apoorva my best friend, she will always have that special place in my life. Roommates have that; they are a kind of family. A family where you might not get what you want but most times, you adjust and make peace with having them around and start sharing your life with them silently. When I first met Apoorva 5, I had just joined the company and had moved in with 5 of them as a replacement for a girl who was leaving for her onsite project opportunity. We were 6 in that 2.5 BHK apartment and even though it was hard at times, I know I could count on them. We don’t keep in touch every day now but we are a family, 2 of us already have families of their own and we are masis to two little boys who will have a hard time understanding how we all come to become that.
It was close to eleven when Apoorva came home. She looked good. I mean, she generally leaves for the gym before I wake up and goes directly to the office from there. She was not in a foul mood as I expected her after most of the “Meetings”. I think about asking her about it but decide otherwise. I had my dinner about 2 hours ago. I was famished after gym but I was patient enough to cook it well enough. I am sitting in front of the TV watching Ross making a fuss about his missing sandwich at the office and deliberately trying to ignore a feeling where I feel like that ice cream I bought today, is calling me. Apoorva sits down and laughs at something funny on screen and that ticks me off. She is one of those rare individuals who hate FRIENDS, not just a dislike but hates it. She found it overrated and stupid; She hasn’t bothered to finish even the 3rd season if I am correct. It is a sore topic between us because my dear for me, FRIENDS is everything.
I give her that look. First, she does not even realize that I am gaping at her and when she does, she is unobvious of what that look might mean and stares back at me in wonder. I close my eyes to slits and look at her suspiciously and she asks “What?” in exasperation.
I let her fish for some time before answering in a single syllable. “You”
“You, what?” she asks again, loosing her patience and some of that good mood too I had sensed earlier.
“You look happy” I simply say as a matter of fact without really starching the matter because I don’t want her to loose that vibe.
She doesn’t say anything. She looks at the TV again and I continue, “You hate FRIENDS” She answers denying that “It’s not true, I just find it stupid”
I ahmm her statement and she continues, “ I think stupid things can bring happiness too. Sometimes I wonder what if I don’t be so judgy” and that, right there I see the shift in her expressions, a combination of happy and sad, the rare expression of uncertainty in her eyes. I have known her long enough to say that there is something she wants to get right and is not sure how can that be possible. I feel a pinch of that combination of happiness and sadness inside me too. I am happy for her but I am scared because I know what will come out of her mouth next will put her in a position she dreaded getting into. She has finally liked a guy. Let me tell you that Apoorva is a very opinionated person. She knows what she doesn’t want in the first go. She does not entertain anyone just for the sake of it. She is strong enough to say No to keep her peace.
“Talking about being judgmental, would you judge me or give me your death glare if I sit here and eat ice cream as we talk more about this… whatever that is that has made you feel giddy?!” I gave her a coy smile.
I didn’t expect any response from her but to my surprise, she got up and took out a bottle of already opened wine from the fridge and the ice cream tub from the freezer. I got up a little too excited, knowing that it will be one of those long nights where we will be pouring our guts out. I am big on sentimental talks and raw emotions and I haven’t had anyone to talk to in a while. I needed this more than she needs it and I think she knows that too.